Don't yell at me

Backslide....ugh. She absolutely drives me bananas...it is so hard to stay positive!

face time

For my birthday this year I got a micro-dermal on my cheek. It is adorable and I love it. Now that it healed a few months, I went back to Chameleon in Harvard Square to have a better gem put it. Aaron, my piercer, talked me out of the pronged gem stating that there were risks that it would grow out of my skin :( I decided that instead of changing the gem, I was going to add another! AND it's so cute! The first one went in without any pain. In fact, I didn't even realized it was done ... I just laid there waiting. This one was a little bit more painful (and bloody). Last night was a challenge sleeping because I sleep on my face and I was so totally aware of the new dermal. I ended up on the couch with the kittens!

Frustration

It concerns me that the people I work are frustrated with me because I am trying to better myself. I work with such poisonous people that they can not see that they're poor attitude is contagious, whether it be in fun or out of frustration. (Don't get me wrong, I used to be the same way, and sometimes still am) We all have days that are tougher than others. But I do not want to be around when people are trashing other people for no other reason except their own fun or frustration. That's what I need to remember- IT'S THEIR FRUSTRATION. IT'S THEIR IDEA OF FUN. Example: Today at work, when a co-worker was going off about something, I smiled and offered some words of encouragement and tried to put a positive spin on it. Instead of heeding any advice I gave- the co-work began to direct her anger at me. *SIGH* Some days I feel like the world is going to swallow me whole. I just want to be happy.

Putting a spin on everything.

This past week was a challenge. I took some of the tools I have learned over the summer and I tried putting them into action. Sometimes it was easy and other times it out right difficult, but here it is on Saturday and I am proud of myself never the less. One thing that I noticed this week was that practicing patience, forgiveness, kindness and empathy was one thing during my work day. But when my day was done and I was home with Preston, I stopped practicing. Just like that...I stopped. I would certainly catch myself though, and I would touch that fact and own into it. (When you recognise that you are doing something and stop, it's called 'touching it' from the teachings I've received). That is also a form of practicing; being able to confront the *shenpa. Of 5 working days, where my unhappiness is the most centered, I only blew up on someone once. The week before last I wouldn't have even been able to count how many times so that's a HUGE improvement. I practiced thinking and separation when poisonous conversation began. I smiled in the face of judgement and thanked them for the criticism. I proved to myself that with a bit of work on myself, on my own mind, I will make it to a more serene stage to play out my life. "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become." Practice compassion, practice patience, practice so as you can become at one with yourself. So you can love all unconditionally. It's not easy and it can take a lifetime, but it's all we can do. And it's so very worth it. I love you. *Shenpa is a Tibetan word that in its' simplistic form means attachment

Tonight, I'm sitting on the couch relaxing and playing catch with Ankka, one of my kittens (she's 2). I say playing catch in the most literal sense. I'm exhausted from throwing for her, but her happiness is greater than anything else that can make my heart soar! What a fantastic night!

Surrender

Patience.

I do not have much time to write today, though I promised myself I would journal as much as possible.

Today was a great day. Not only did I continuously offer help and assistance, but I accomplished my goals for the day as well. I thought about almost everything that I said before I spoke it and that alone lessened my stress a ton. When co-workers engaged in poisonous conversation, I politely excused myself. When I made eye contact, I smiled.

Up, up from here!!! DO IT!

You make MY dreams come true. I love it!